What The Resurrection Means To Me...... And What I Wanted To Say About My Life

Hope, that there is more to life than just living and then death. How awful would it be if Jesus had to die for our sins and then He was just dead? Hope, that's what it means to me.

Now about my life, people that say I do not have one are very deceived, I have a beautiful life, a wonderful life, and I am thankful for it.  So what if I cannot drive and need help with lots of stuff? No one has a life free of stress and trials. I have my own set of troubles and problems and so do you. My life is still life and I love it.

Not Good

My belly still hurts me. I HAD to go to i.v. yesterday and they said I had to get better because the Easter bunny does not want me to be sick this weekend. I hope I get better because if I am not better by Sunday the church dinner will not be pleasant.I am annoyed with myself. I can't make myself happy when my belly hurts so much.

Sick

My belly feels awful, at least I ate one eighth of a sausage. Yesterday I only had medical food stuff. Blah.

Snow ..A Terrible Beauty

 I often have not liked the snow much since I cannot ski and it has made me miss some appointments. In the past it made my parents cancel most of my birthday parties. I just hated the snow. I have gotten a bit frustrated about wanting to ski but right now I am not able. But lately.......I look out a see beauty. I love it, I appreciate it!

Someone Please Give Me Advice...

 There are some things that I could use some advice on, for example I have not been feeling well more so than my normal and did not want to upset my Dad so I just did not say much about it until he asked . Well he of course is upset but he cannot fix me and then since he is upset that makes me upset. Anyway what should I do? Also one of my siblings has been very very rude and mean and I feel like I cannot deal with it but I have not spoken to my parents about it because i think they have too much to deal with right now. So if you have advice please give me some. I just don't know what to do.

My Youngest Sister's Bird Died This Morning

 If  you are a praying person you can pray for my sister as she was very attached to the bird. Her other bird was squawking this morning...that's probably how birds cry . Poor little thing , it didn't live very long, a year maybe. We don't really know why he died. He did eat a little paper.

 On a better note at least I woke up feeling much better today and the sun is super bright.

Yesterday Was My Parents Anniversary and.....My Sister Got Engaged

So yesterday was a bit busy I had i.v. and I have not been feeling good for a couple of weeks but yesterday I felt really bad but my dad made a big dinner and had a guest over. I completely regret forcing myself to eat and I even regret leaving my room. I regret not cancelling the i.v. appointment. Yesterday for me was pretty much bad. I am glad my parents are married and my sister got engaged. I just felt too sick. That is how it was , I hope today is better.

Hello Kitty and Pandas

 My sister bought me a new hello kitty and a panda. Two things I love :) She said they were for Easter. 

I Drew Mostly Today, Took Care of My Orchids, And My Lizard

Yep I drew until my hands shook , and cared for my plants and lizard. My lizard , Prince, has been costing me a lot $175.00 this year so far ... for the entire year last year he cost me $160.00 . Oh well , good thing I mostly save my money. If you want a Bearded Dragon think about the cost. I love him, but he has been very hungry and mean. I know why ...lizard puberty. Yep they go through puberty too.

 So that's all I have to say right now.

I Think My Dad Will Take Me To A Bob Dylan concert !!

Coming to a city more than 2 hours away ( I think)! A friend let us know about it and I am hoping to be able to go. I will probably need the chair anyway so I can just be wheeled in. It is in April. Daddy checked to make sure wheelchairs can go there and it is fine so he said we will try to go. If it was not for that I think he would of said no. I am excited but slightly worried that it is too good to be true.

St. Patrick's Day

 Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! His missionary efforts made an impact on my ancestors lives and I am thankful for it. For those of you that don't know about how he used the shamrock to teach the people here is an explanation: the people had trouble understanding the trinity so Patrick used a shamrock the three leaves representing God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, and the leaves were all part of one. There you go people, that's my explanation.

 Also I wanted to mention how I can't help but wonder what St. Patrick would of thought about all the drinking and such that goes on supposedly in his honor?

Food And Me

 I mostly hate eating. Yup, I don't really enjoy it much. I do know that it is necessary. I have been on a gluten free , dairy free, peanut free, diet since Feb. 2009. That did not make me like food any less though, as a matter of fact the diet was extremely easy because I was not eating much of anything anyway. I always knew certain foods made me sick. I have always dreaded holidays when people would try to force me to eat stuff. Now I am finding myself dreading Easter already . I completely do not understand why it would upset someone that I can't have their cookies or whatnot . Don't say "you poor little thing", I hate that. When I do want to eat I like the stuff I can eat , it does not bother me at all that I may be eating something completely different than you. I eat what I can .

 I am looking forward to heaven when my belly will not hurt, and I will not hate food anymore. That's that.

The Etch-a-Sketch Does NOT suck!!

My siblings and their friends were talking about some "Really Cool Toys" they had . They were all naming gaming systems and then they all looked at me....."I've got an Etch-a-Sketch" I said. One of them yelled so loud my ears rang saying" Etch-a-Sketch sucks!". Well, for me it does not. I love it. It is one of the best birthday presents anyone ever gave me. Also mine is pink!!

If Only I Could Perform Spine Surgery to Mend a Mouse's Broken Spine

 My Dad saw a baby mouse running around on our floor. He would not pick it up but he was trying to help me catch it and accidentally pushed it too hard against a cardboard box. I picked him up , the little fellow gasping for air. His beady black eyes looking deeply, ever so desperately into mine. There was nothing I could do. I cannot perform spine surgery to save a baby mouse.....but I sort of wish I knew how. Living in a house is seldom a good outcome for a mouse, his fate seemed doomed even if his back would not of broke. My sister uses mice to feed other pets of hers, keeping mince she caught in the winter only to feed it to a snake she caught some summer afternoon. Mommy does not approve of mice for pets and I could not deceptively keep one. The dog would probably go nuts since she is often my supervisor and she finds mice quite nice as a little snack. Anyway, I am a little sad for the mouse fellow. Yes silly perhaps but that is how is it.

Big Foot and Little Foot

  My sister is most likely getting married this fall and I was asked to be the maid of honor :) My other sister was asked to be a bridesmaid also! The really silly thing is if my sister wants us to have a particular sort of shoes it will be a challenge. I have to shop in the children's section because I wear size 1 or 2 on one foot and the braced one is a 4 or 5  ( I am sure my sister will want my feet to match at least). The other sister wears size 12 in woman's ...most stores do not even carry that size. We are like opposites!!
  I sure hope my sister will not be too picky. If she is I guess I will not wear my brace and have the same sized shoes and use my wheelchair, she wants to get married in the evening  and I have a heap of seizures then anyway. I cannot be standing, She knows this. Maybe by then I will be cured......that almost seems impossible it has been so many years.
I still have hope , someone told me I was being a goof but I think I have to have that hope right now.

Sewing, Sun, and My Bearded Dragon

 Today I made a little rabbit and fixed my Dad's pants.....that is not very exciting, It would be more exciting if I could show you the rabbit but I never can remember all the stuff I have to do to find the photo once I take it and everyone is doing something so none can show me right now. I apologize for not being good with electronics.

It was a very sunny day today :)

Also my pet lizard, Prince, who is a Bearded Dragon is shedding and he looks freakishly black underneath. It is funny he tricked my dad into thinking his tail was going to fall off .

I Am Too Tired.

 I have been so very tired lately, I have been sleeping every afternoon for the past week or so .  I don't know why. It makes me mad because I feel like I can't get anything done, like my crafts. My medicine always made me tired but normally I could keep myself awake if I tried as hard as I could ....now I am falling asleep anyway. Oh well. I feel weaker than normal also.

Turpentine Hugs

 When my Daddy comes home from work he smells funny sometimes , all those chemicals where he works. I like to give him a hug when he comes home no matter what he smells like . Turpentine hugs are sometimes the sweetest ones , those are the ones when he is tired and a bit unhappy... It is not easy bringing the bread home for a family of six. He tells me not to hug him when he has so much chemical smells on him , but I know he likes it because when I listen to him and just say hi he gets rather glum. Yes, as strange as it sounds I have come to like the smell of turpentine.....It smells like hard work.

I Made the Physical Therapists Lift Weight .. Me!!!

 Today I had my first seizure that happened at P.t. , Mommy caught me but the therapists had to carry me to the table to keep me from hitting my head on the table corner. Its funny how I get to wake up in a new position or place. The therapists said I got tired so I decided to make them lift some weights, me !
  I came home and slept till 5:30 I must of been really tired because it was not even noon when I came home. P.t. took all my energy today.
  I am not going to go to p.t. anymore because I do most of the exercises at home and I can walk pretty good with the brace, I thought anyway, but today they said I should be going to p.t. twice a week. That will not happen. I have appointments twice a week that are 2 hours away one way already ...I sleep after that normally . Also my Mom does not like the expense of p.t. either. Like I say I very diligently do it at home anyway.
  So today I went to p.t. and slept. That's that .

When Ralphie Was a Kid

 At I.V. today Ralphie told me more about when he was a kid and used to have seizures.
When his family had gatherings he was not allowed to visit or play with the other kids. Ralphie had to set in a room all by himself because nobody wanted to see him have seizures. That is so mean. Good thing his seizures disappeared. Ralphie didn't get to go to school when the other kids did, the school said no. He got to start school when he was seven.

 I have had people get pretty freaked out around me and not want to be around me because they saw a seizure, I have had people think I was demon possessed.

 I am very glad that I have a family that loves me and would not / will not hide me away. Things are how they are and sometimes they are not pretty, but there is a reason for it all. Everyone needs love and friendship .

Visiting Purgatory

 Every day for nearly two years now with no day off, I go somewhere.When I go I am not really in my body anymore I am gone, somehow ceasing to exist. I am not really dead. I am not really alive. I cannot see, I cannot hear , I cannot speak. There is no time. It is not heaven, it is not hell.  I am made to visit my own purgatory, seizureland, and I don't want to go there anymore. My existence is simply nothingness there. Do people get stuck there? Will I get stuck there ?

Seizureland is purgatory..........strictly metaphorically speaking.

At Church

 At church lately the sermons have been about the church body, how one can not be separate as a christian and that all the parts have a purpose and use. Also it has been about spiritual gifts. I really don't know what mine is. I have tried to figure it out for a long time but I am not sure. Some people told me what they thought my was... eh I just don't know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfHV4-N2LxQ&feature=player_embedded

Today Was a Better Day!

Today was better than I have been since Monday, I kept getting really bad REALLY REALLY bad headaches and felt like I was going to vomit. My stomach still feels a bit yucky and my arms are sore from yesterday but I am better. Monday I felt so bad I was crying and my dog, Shasta, was staring at me beside my bed. I told her to go get Daddy as it was when everyone was in bed and I thought I might crash if I got up. Shasta grumbled something in dog language and barked and ran over to my parents room and got him. She knew what I said!! She's brilliant!!!

 It snowed a some more I am ready for it to melt because I like being outside more. Yesterday my sister asked me to be her maid of honor ( IF she gets married) her boyfriend has not asked her yet. I shall get a pink dress :) I love pink, its my favorite color.