I Draw The Lilac..

 ...and it moves, the buds open and I am forced to use my memory of its previous looks.
Everything turns out o.k.
It is purple and when I stared long enough I started seeing streaks of  magenta upon its petals.

bits of yellow are reflecting and somehow it gets captured.
The black page gets filled in my head and on the paper.

Bits of pencil leads are stuck to my skin.

I finish my drawing and get some tea despite the fact it is 90 something oustisde.
Last week it frosted and I wonder if perhaps this was only a dream.

It wasn't it was all real.

Stuff About Me....

I like hugs.
 My favorite color is pink.
My favorite music is Bob Dylan .
I like to draw more than sew.
My favorite food is apples when I feel like eating, if I do not want to eat I don't like anything.( I need to work on that problem)
I am NOT a Republican !!! The only reason I am registered as one is because of someone I wanted to vote for in the primary. So my card says Republican but please don't call me one.
I do not participate in any war video games, because I have personal beliefs about that.
I love pandas  and Hello Kitty.
I love reading Hesba Stretton and Roald Dahl .
I like live music.
I like it when Daddy takes me places, even if its the dump.
I like writing and have made entire book series and book clubs for my siblings.
I don't like being stuck inside .
I don't like being poked by persons in white coats.


I did not have anything to write today so I decided to write this stuff.

Photos..Thanks To My Sister :)

 I worked on the recycled pants quilt today and I got my sister to take a picture of it .

And here is a drawing I did of the neighbors flowers:

When I get done with the blanket I hope to get a better picture so you can hopefully see the pockets.

Dear Reader , I Hope You Will Still Read My Blog After This...

 I have a really big confession to make..I am mostly anti-war.

I mean NO disrespect for those that have served our country, as a matter of fact I condone standing up for what YOU believe you ought to be doing.

I do not believe in the wars we are fighting now. We do not have enough money, the country is broke.

Bring all the troops home.

I hate people dying. I hate that little children and Mommas and Daddys were killed with drones.

The United States of America has a really big problem on their views on human life.

Feel free to disagree with me.

I wish there could be more peace and love to everyone.

Yesterday

 My necklace broke, the sapphire fell out. I kept getting a bloody nose that mostly ran down my throat. I was extremely tired but I was better than I was that day last year!!!!
My Valproic Acid might be giving me the bloody noses, hopefully it will cut it out.

Did not go to church today, did not go in the hyperbaric chamber yesterday.
Not much I want to say.

A Year Ago Today...I Nearly Kicked The Bucket

  Yes, I was in the hospital and was having lots and lots of seizures. The doctor was a Butt and took me off of my normal med and gave me Keppra. Why? Because he said he didn't think Valproic acid was for young girls that they should be on Keppra. I was givin more and more ativan and got worse and worse. It was awful, I was hardly awake at all. 

The doctor wouldn't believe that the Cleavland Clinic said for me to say on Valproic Acid so my Mom had to drive home and get the records and show him, she also brought my medicine but I wasn't awake enough to take it.

She did eventually get me to take it and basically had to drag me out of the hospital. I was so weak I could not sit up in the car whenever she went around any turns.

 Also the hospital wanted me transported to Cleavland which is at least four hours away, but they also said they didn't want to to that because I was to seizurey and would need a doctor and some nurses to come.

Basically it was a mess, I was there for a few days but I was not supposed to die because here I am.

Cloudy Rainy And Wonderfully Green

 Thats  how it is outside right now. I have been sneezing lots. Must be the mold factor outside???

Sewed some more yesterday and my brother will probably buy my quilt from me when I am done.

He is amazed what I did to his pants! I will try to get some help getting photos  as soon as the camera is available, which will not be till Monday, hopefully I will be finished by then anyway.

I really do not have much to say .....I had so many seizures yesterday I lost count.
Basically I have not done anything except sew some and try not to fall down. I have hyperbaric chamber treatments everyday.

That is what it is.

Rainy At The Moment

 At this very moment it is raining and oh how I love the smell!! Spring rain has to be one of my favorite smells,when its warm enough for the windows to be open.

It wasn't rainy all day , just on and off. 

I am rather tired today for no apparent reason except maybe my seizures that I had earlier

I have been cutting a multitude of quit squares from my brother's old pants.
I am planning to make a denim quilt.
Most likely I will have to use some of my old pants too, I have some that are getting past the point of repair.

 I am cutting out the pockets with my squares so it will have pockets I guess, basically I just wanted to try something different.

Overwhelmed With Love

 Lately I have been rather unhappy for various reasons, and felt rather ill Sunday.

I was given some kind words and a book Sunday after church. They prayed for me.
Today one of my friends was at i.v. , she gave me a hug and a picture of snoopy hugging Charlie Brown then before she left she prayed for me.

I got a card from some friends in Virginia  , and another friend sent my Mommy a card.
Yet another friend called yesterday.

God knows when I am saddest and His love shines through the love of his people and I am overwhelmed.

Better

 Yesterday I was very sad, as you probably guessed because of what happened the day before.  The day was much better though and I went to my Grandpa's house for dinner . He lives on a lake and I love it there.

I think my brother will still get to go to collage, my parents just needed to cool off after an act of complete rebellion.  I think.

Grandpa gave me many hugs and that always helps. I have a big problem understanding some stuff that has to do with my siblings , but they are a lot different than me.

Today I rode in the car while my parents ran errands , they even went to a greenhouse! I had to stay in the car but I am excited about the new plants!!

Can't wait to draw them.

Disgusted

Yesterday was BAD.

Family stuff.

I am disgusted with it.

On a brighter note my brother did pretty well on his placement test.
On a sour note something happened and he may not be going to collage this fall.

Why can't everyone love each other and be nice and use common sense?

Every family has its issues I guess, just since I am older now I guess I notice it more.

Well, all I am left with is hope in today and prayer.

Oh yeah , the sun is shining and my hands are stained with pencil lead from drawing.
I played my violin yesterday and I know God will work everything out.
My sisters wedding dress came.

Everyone is growing up and the saying "little kids, little problems .. big kids, big problems" sort of...... is true in some cases.

Brace Man

Today I saw the brace man and everything is fine. He gave me some new foam for my afo. Afterwards Mommy and I went shopping and I returned a pair of shorts I got awhile ago. I bought a new skirt and a new shirt with the lorax on it.

I am tired. I do not have much to say.

My brother is taking his collage entrance test tomorrow. If you are a praying person please pray he does not panic.

Today he is worried and looks awful.

He was STILL asleep when Mommy and I came home.

I think he was up worrying ALL night.

Strange Day Of Cuteness

 Today a woman at i.v. that I have never seen before was saying how cute I was and then wanted to know how old I was so I told her (23).
Anyway the conversation went like this:
" Oh she is so cute , how old is she?" ( the woman was asking my mom how old I was ) I replied "23"
the woman got a strange look on her face " Oh my gosh , she is just so cute I never would of guessed that she was in her 20s . That is just so adorable, I mean adorable! Oh my gosh!"
  I said " Thank you!!"  I thought it was funny . She went on " you look good, real good "
" Thank you." I said again.
I get a kick when I amaze people about my age.

Then coming home a woman at the toll booth thought my sunglasses were so cute. It is very rare for a toll booth worker to want to chat about how cute your sunglasses are, or talk about anything, they have to keep traffic moving.

Someone at the doctors said I always have the cutest socks.

All I can say is thanks.

Like I say, today was a very strange day of cuteness.

Thank God For The Mommas!

 My Mommy is so awesome , she loves me no matter what. She taught me how to read and how to write , she gives me good books.

Mommy catches me when I fall.

Mommy cuts my hair for me because she does it how I like it!

Mommy cooks and cleans.

I am mad I cannot help as much as I used too...but Mommy does not mind.

Thank God for the Mommas.

Lovely day

Yesterday was quite beautiful outside. The apple tree bloomed and the humming birds battled away.

I finished a drawing I had worked on for hours the day before.

I also managed to frighten everyone, but I am fine and another day came.
Even if it didn't, don't ya know that everything's going to be alright.
God will send me home when I am supposed to go.

With All My Heart

I love my parents. I do not want to bring any dishonor to them, sometimes though like any other family they do not get along and it hurts. There are so many things in life I cannot comprehend, so many things that I cannot change. When I think it is all my fault I look closer and find actually it had absolutely nothing to do with me. ( most of the time)

I close my eyes , say a prayer, and hope for the best. 
Here I pray because I can do nothing else about it.

Scattered

It is raining raining raining...it is raining outside outside.
       And my brain feels scattered scattered scattered.. across the face of the earth.
I feel like I am on the edge.

I feel like I'm drugged.             I am I guess.     I can't do anything about it about it about it about it. 

That's all folks. I do not want to write anymore right now.

Hope I can think better soon.

Ralphie

Today I went to i.v. and Ralphie was there. It is always fun when he is there. He fell asleep and I wrote his name and a little flower with my etch-a-sketch and when he woke up he told the nurses he did it, but they did not believe him. Ralphie does not seem like one to draw flowers. He he. Ralphie has his invitation to my house I made him hanging on his fridge . He did not get to come but I sure hope he comes someday, he said he would like to.

When we left this morning it was only 40 some degrees outside so I wore pants but 2 hours away where I get i.v. it was in the 70s ! I was sad I was not wearing a skirt. I do not like pants very much. Afterwards we went shopping . When we came home Ethan ( my sisters boyfriend) was there. I took a nap, I ate dinner. I went in my hyberbaric chamber. That's what I did today. I also fixed up my room slightly as it was somewhat messy.

Cheat Fest and Dante's Jazz Dinner

 So Friday evening my Dad and I went to a jazz dinner . I felt well enough but evenings are very very difficult and the music and many missing pieces because I kept going out ( seizure). I am still glad I went . I ate some gumbo, the first dinner I had been able to eat in awhile. Saturday my Dad and I went to Cheat Fest ( Cheat as in The Cheat River), it was a lot of fun and I got to see some people I know. We stayed longer than planned and I was ready to go when we left. No one can understand how confusing it is when you go in and out of time and people are talking and music playing and sometimes you even end up in a different place because someone has pushed your wheelchair. It is quite trippy actually, sometimes it is interesting and sometimes it is extremely annoying.

Anyway I still had an awesome time and my dad is super super strong and can push my wheelchair through gravel!!!!!

Today I went to church :) I have been very busy and am very glad to be feeling some better from that nasty tummy bug.

oh yes...Shasta threw up in my bed yesterday and threw up elsewhere in the house both today and yesterday. Poor doggy, I sure hope she is not sick from me :(

So Much Better

Today was better than any day I have had in a long while.I still slept for hours in the afternoon but that's o.k. I enjoyed the sun quite a bit, my knees got sunburned!!! Oh yes... the apple tree has gotten blossom buds. I am just so excited, I like apples pretty much more than any food except for maybe tea. If people really were what they ate I would either be an apple or a tea leaf..maybe medical foodstuff  LOL (apparently you can't live on apples and tea alone). Anyway my Dad and the sister that is not getting married went to Cooper's rock and Daddy will probably bring me sometime because they have wheelchair access , safer than me trying to walk around cliffs. I pretty much have to use the chair everyplace that requires walking because of my falling problem.And everyplace that I need to sit that does not have a high back seat with high arms because I fall out. How do I stay in the wheelchair? My chest gets strapped in, that's how. It is so much better than being covered with bruises and lumps from falling out of chairs and crashing to the ground.  Yup that's how I can do it without getting myself beat up!

Deepest Fears

 I am not afraid of dying...I am afraid of how I might be made to live. What will I be like a year from now ..or two years from now?  I am afraid of my parents dying, who would want me? My grandparents could not deal with it, my grandma runs away when I have a seizure, I know because when I come back she is not there. People think I have no fears but I do. So it is what it is.

Yesterday was a Very Rough Day.

You would think it would of been better since I had i.v. on Monday but it was not I felt really really bad. I was still sick, and on top of that I blacked out , or had a seizure or something and hit my head hard on the bathroom mirror. It was after my shower and I was trying to get dressed , so I was not wearing my helmet. I got a headache. I was exhausted and fell asleep until 6:00 p.m. I did not tell anyone I hit my head. What good would it of done? Whenever I get a stomach bug they want to live in me forever . It has been over 2 weeks. I hope today will be better and I will be able to eat some. I have only been awake one hour and I already want to go to sleep again. Blah. Shasta threw up on my parents bed. I think she got sick from me.