And It All Woked Out....

  So yesterday I go to go out with my sister Katie and my Mom and we went clothes shopping.

  There have been times I hated doing that. Pretty much ever since my sister and I had to shop in different sections.

 I hated that I was still so small, I really really did. When I was about the fattest I ever was I had some things from the older section but that didn't last. After getting sick I got smaller. I wasn't even that big , when I was in the older section it was pretty much the smallest of the small. I did not like this.( I wanted to be all gristle and strong and bigger)

Now I have a different view, if I was as big as I wanted to be my Daddy might have trouble carrying me. He probably couldn't take a walk in the woods and carry me because I cannot walk far myself.

I was explaining this to someone when they said something a bit nasty about my size and they replied my size was just because I was a generally unhealthy person.
I really did not respond at the time but I wish I could of told them again with more intensity that it all works out...It is not good at all I can't walk far but at least I am still small enough Daddy can carry me.

I really at times do wish I was bigger ....a lot of people wish they were smaller. What I do not understand is why is it o.k. when people say that size 0 is evil and it's beautiful to be curvy?   Size 0 for someone with my height and bone structure is curvy!  At my very biggest that is what I wore.

I think the thing is God made everyone different and we all have different struggles in life, we all have things we want to change about ourselves (or most of us), I don't think girls should criticize each other so much. When I was younger I wanted to make myself bigger, taller , make my hair blond ( someone told me my hair was the color of poop) and have bigger feet.

If everyone were like a Barbie doll and someone showed up with dark hair and freckles ...people would probably say that was the ideal.

Anyway as I get older I care less about appearance  and more about what I can't do and want to do and how exhausted I become so easily and also how much my knee and leg hurts.

 This works out also....How? Well, I feel like there are more times in my life now where God is just telling me " Be still and know that I am God".  I pray and think about God and sometimes read.

 Also it gives others the opportunity to help me which sometimes I struggle with. Sometimes I really need help and still try to do it all by myself ...and fail.
I have been amazed how much people love me even when I have not liked myself because I can't do something.

Another thing I found out was I hated how my illness separated me in some ways from some friends. The truth is that if someone won't be your friend just because you can't do certain things or because you walk funny....they NEVER were really your friend anyway.

True friends will still talk to you and be kind even though sometimes you cannot hear them and you cannot talk back , they never laugh at it.... they realize some things in life are not cool , they are beyond human control .

A true friend will sit with you and sometimes you both will be still and know God together. Sometimes that is all you can do.

So you see , it works out. At least how I see it.
And guess what? This is bringing on peace in my soul.

And The Sun Was Shining....

  Today I was sitting on the deck looking at birds hoping that maybe a humming bird would try to drink from the flowers on my helmet as they sometimes do.
 I don't think they found the flowers looking that yummy today , they looked at me but they didn't try and taste them. Perhaps they have figured out that the flowers are not real.

 An oriole sat in the apple tree and yelled some sort of bird insult at me because he does not like me sitting there.

 Shasta dog gave him a look but the oriole did not care, he kept yelling unpleasant sounding things ....I think if I was a bird it probably would be bad words in bird language.

  I ignored the oriole and watched two chipmunks running around the branches on the apple tree at first I thought maybe they were fighting but that is not what they were doing ....they were in love.

 That frightened the oriole away and he was quite.

Shasta was watching the chipmunks also but she did not chase them or seem  like she wanted to get them at all...in fact she sighed.

I don't think I could ever get bored watching animals and wondering what they are thinking.

 The sun was shining brightly and Penny goat was trying to tell me something but I cannot speak goat...so I just said hello and asked how she was....I don't know what she said in reply but I hope she said she was happy.

Here Are Some Recent Flower Drawings....

 The purple rose is actually draw from a red one but I wanted another purple one so, I made it so.

Martha Finley

 Some of you know who she is and some of you do not.

 For those of you that do not, she was the author of the Elsie Dinsmore and Mildred Keith books.

I have been a fan for quite some time , though I don't like everything she wrote I appreciate it. 

About eight years ago I was reading Elsie's Girlhood at my great- grandmother, Nangie's house.  She asked to see what I was reading so I showed her to which she responded with a loud " OH MY GOODNESS!"  She had read the very same book when she was sixteen.

She said she never would of thought her great-granddaughter would be reading the very same book that she had read so many years ago.

  I showed Nangie my drawings which were at the time mostly of Nancy Drew, she suggested I draw Martha Finley but I didn't until today ,mostly because I did not know what she looked like....

but today I found two photos of her on the internet and used both of them as a sort of guide.

Over Three Years.....

...I have had seizure like events everyday, yesterday was not one of them.

I HAD 0 !!!!

And ZERO passing out.

:)

THANKING  GOD!!

Do Not Fear....

This is an angel saving me from the drinking glass. When I was drawing it , one of my siblings saw it and they were afraid....so , do not be afraid.

Sometimes when you go against tradition people do not like it but...  just because angels are often drawn like beautiful blonds does not mean they look that way.
 One time I was in a Christmas play and I was to be an angel and a boy came up to me and said I couldn't be because I had brown hair, I told him really he ought to be the angel because I thought they were guys.
He said " NO WAY!"

I don't really think of them as humans with wings....I don't think of them as gorgeous blond  woman either.
I think of them as different beings altogether.