God, What Am I Supposed To Do?

  I have been doing very rough lately and .....pretty much everything is listed as a side effect.  I do not want to go off this drug. I don't want to go back to the way I was.....I am afraid.

I also know my primary doctor does not really know much about this drug or about dystonia.

The neurologist said he did not know what to do with me that I was a rare case...he said I needed to see a specialist.

Johns Hopkins was booked until December....they said I should see someone before that so they referred me to a Parkinsons clinic that also deals with dystonia.

The paper work was mailed so now I wait for an appointment.

I wish it to come soon.

Dystonia of what sort?

 That is what I am going to ask the movement disorder doctor when I see him.

I am thinking it cannot be completely Ldopa responsive.....I think my leg would of gotten better by now.

 So Ldopa makes a big difference .....maybe there is something else out there.

I don't know I am not any sort of doctor.

I wish things did not have to take so long...I hate waiting to get appointments .

But thats just part of life.

I sure don't know what everyone else has been eating or drinking that makes time go so fast for them.

Time is so slow ....it is a drag .

The last two months have taken like six months.

Time does not go fast for me even when things are o.k. , I don't think it ever will.
That thing people get when they are older that makes time go fast must be acquired in some way.

Someway I sure don't know.

Well, things really are o.k..... time is not flying but I guess I will just enjoy it and take time as it is.

When The White Coated Men Realize That They Are Not Gods...

.....It happens, sometimes.
  But not often enough.

  To realize that they are mere man and they make mistakes.

          When they feel responsible for their actions and they admit to it.

    When they admit to saying the worst four letter word a doctor could say "oops".

When that happens I think things would be better in the medical field.

If they make a mistake they should have to put it on the records.....they should be sorry and say so.

A Wonderful Thing...

...Is seeing my sister Katie with my baby nephew inside.
       How can one help but smile?
My Mom and I went to Katie's church today, Freedom Chapel and Katie was wearing a dress she used to wear and there's a flower ..a pretty purple flower right over the baby!
 It suits her better now I think.

 Katie is always beautiful but she's like glowing now!!!

( I hope you don't mind me saying this this Katie)  :)


Now I shall talk about something else .....
...

Yesterday until 1:00 I was at a yard sale for the fire department. It was fun and I got to see my neighbors and bought some books and two flowers for my helmet. I only sold one thing but I don't really care.

Something really silly happened, I was sitting in my wheelchair because it was a safe place for me to be sitting in case I blacked out but I had the walker nearby in case I needed to walk somewhere....well twice two little kids tried to walk off with it!! I think they thought I had some sort of portable jungle gym.





 

The Saddest Friendship I Ever Had....

  What I am going to tell you about is something that really was very difficult for me....It was over four years ago and it still makes me sad.

 Well, at i.v. when I was just starting to go there I did not really talk that much to anyone, I guess I felt shy .  There was a man that would smile at me and I would smile back but we did not speak for probably a month.

 Then one day we talked and we became friends ...I asked him if he had any kids and a single tear rolled out of his eye and he said he didn't but he sure wished he had a daughter.

I knew something about this man before I asked him that and ....Maybe it wasn't an appropriate question? I don't know.

Anyway I had gotten this man in trouble at one time...he and someone he was with were discussing in great detail something I did not know much about, sodomite things. (most people would say gay stuff I guess)  Anyway I was sitting there getting my i.v. with my eyes bugging out of my head because I was shocked and the nurses saw that and he was told if he would not stop talking about that stuff they would have to ask him to leave.
He apologized ....lots and of course I forgave him.

Anyway , after the question that made him cry we talked about other things and religion came up..I said something about God and he said something like "well good for you , but I don't believe in God".
 I left it at that and we talked about other things.

Well, his i.v. was finished and he was going to go...he asked when my next appointment was so he could make his with mine and we hugged. He said he would see me next week and I got the most horrible feeling that I would never see him again .
I didn't, he died the next day of a heart attack.

I found out the next week that he had died and ....I had to go hide in the bathroom and cry.
He didn't believe in God.
I was so upset in fact I almost threw up.
Then a thought came to me.....God surely must of loved this man as much as I did.
With Jesus in my heart could I love someone who God hated?

Maybe when this man went home he prayed.....maybe he didn't .

I am so sad about this...still.

I am not skilled to understand what God has willed or what he has planned.