This Week Has To Be Better...

  Last week there were some really good days.....but also some really rough days.

 Ups and downs.

On one particularly rough day I got a surprise in the mail, a beautiful flower crown and nice card.
 That helped....it was from someone I never even met!

Monday I had a doctors appointment and an i.v.

That went fine.....It was good to see my friends and I was given multiple hugs.

I could go into detail about the bad days, but it is not something to tell the world about.

I also got to see some friends Saturday ....which was wonderful.

Today I had another friend stop by and I think my sister is coming over.

So far this week has been better .

So much better!

Pencil Drawings

What Iost in January....

I had a cross necklace with a little gold heart around the middle that I wore a lot, my Grandpa gave it to me as a gift.......well I lost it someplace when I got shipped off to the University of Maryland Hospital, probably got ripped off in the ambulance or something.

I think this was a very bad omen ....very bad days followed.

But though I did loose my cross, I did not loose my faith.

I did feel a deep sense of hopelessness ....I guess for a time I lost my hope, in a way..... It seemed like the best thing that could happen would be if God would call me home.

I lost hope in my future earthy life.

To be honest my prayers changed from for God to heal me, to for God to please PLEASE call me home.

But it wasn't time for God to call me home, and things got better....eventually .

I prayed a lot during that time, and I knew God listened.

God also knew best.

How can you loose hope and still have faith?  It is hard for me to explain...perhaps  my faith was lacking or weak.

I think most people will understand what I am trying to say.  I lost hope in some ways but still had it in others.

Some of you will not understand what I am trying to say, but that is o.k. .... you will understand at least that we humans fall short ...we are sinners and we are far from perfect. 

My Lady Of The Sea

 This is my lady of the sea or rather she is the sea...the sea and she are one.

I have been working on her husband...a ship got caught in his vast beard.  Stories have be brewing in my mind about them, not sure I will ever write them all out but if a picture is worth a thousand words I guess I have made progress.

Things have been rough...my eyes decided to go crazy , the pupils getting huge and not wanting to respond. Yesterday it did not happen though so I am very glad.
Been very exhausted, lots of spells or...whatever you wish to call them.
Also have been having trouble sitting as it feels like something is pulling me over.
 I am a bit like the lady of the sea ...perhaps I haven't really got legs at all they are really a great mass of seaweed twisting and writhing about.

The kind words and the prayers of friends has been very much appreciated.

Distonia Doc

 Some of yous know that I have been having a rough time ...well I wasn't scheduled to see the Distonia Doc  until September but they had a cancellation which rarely happens so I got to go yesterday.

The appointment went well and it seemed clear that I have some sort of distonia so clear in fact that the doctor thought I was one of the other doctors patients.

Anyway , the doctor did not know what kind I have for sure, but he has some ideas. I will probably need more testing and genetic testing.

Right now I am trying some different stuff with the Ldopa to see if it does anything.

And....go from there.



     The below drawing is my response to all the meanness that was going on my friends facebook pages this week. 

   Some happy pandas enjoying the rain.

 More glowing daisies.

Also I would like to say thank you for all the prayers , It means so much and the cards I got this week....I have been sad and it makes a really big difference. I feel so much love , if love could cure a person I would be beyond cured I would be wonder woman!

Cheerful Flowers In Spite Of Pain

In spite of the hard days I have had lately I still have been drawing, most of these except one are from the past 2 weeks.

Sometimes I get lazy and don't put my drawings on here and they get new homes and no one else gets to see them.

I force myself to meditate on Gods creation when I am sad and it helps.

Flowers...a meditation on the lovely.

The above black and white ones fit together.

Here are some questions I get a lot about my drawings...
Why colored pencil and not paint?  Because I drop stuff often paint would be a complete mess...the daisy drawing , it happened 23 times.

How long does it take?  Pretty much 2 hours...sometimes 2 and a half but not any longer unless it is big like 24x36 .

Do you start with regular pencil?  No, different colors have different base colors like for a red primrose , purple or blue. Yellow is brown, burnt orange, or sometimes dark red.

Holes In The Day

 Since last Tuesday things have been pretty rough.
     Lots of seizure like events  (distonic storms?)


Imagine you are talking with someone and all of a sudden you went forward into the future , maybe they quit talking to you maybe they are not even sitting by you anymore.

Now imagine this happening fifty times.....a big chunk of you day just went bye-bye.

Most people don't black out but I do...I have been told maybe I pinch something off in my neck.

So...the Ldopa was increased so has the nausea.

I did not think I could stand it if I went backwards....but I am not God and for some reason it happened.

Yesterday I went to the lake with family and friends. I still enjoyed the day , I just wish it wasn't full of holes.

Trusting is God is what I must do ....and pray.
I can do no other.....
So help me God.