Was It For Real?

 Yesterday I saw a new doctor....my plans were simply to beg him to botox my left hand so I could open it.

 In the waiting room the television was playing some health stuff over and over it came to some announcement about proper posture...I was sitting there trying to get my head to go up so I could see ....it went on about how important it was to have your back straight how important it was to have your head and neck at some neutral position...  I felt as though the television was mocking me but of course I knew that was silly, it can't see you or anything ...it is just a thing.

As soon as the paperwork was filled out my mom and I were brought back into a large bright white room with two big windows ...it was clean and bright.

The doctor man came in and took a thorough history ...and examined me.

We  told him about the things that we were told were psychological by some doctors....he said he thought it was crap...yep he said crap.

I asked him about my eyes...they get stuck dilated, no doctor has really given me any answers for it ...

He said the same thing that is happening to my legs is in my eyes too.

He told me how all my problems are related...how my gut problems are also connected.

He thinks I have an autoimmune problem that caused the seizures the dystonia ...everything.

He said I have neuropathy ...dystonia...epilepsy.....those things just don't all happen separately in a person that I have to have some underlying problem.

At the very least he will give me botox...he is going to do some nerve studies and another EEG and then if the results say what he thinks they will say he has a plan.

He did not say what this plan was, but he did say I can hope for things not to get any worse...some things may get better...but I do have damage that cannot be reversed.

This man really cared , he cared enough to look at the entire me ...not just my brain or my guts or my feet...the entire me.

He said one of the problems with doctors today is the treat separate symptoms instead of the entire patient.

This did not feel real...it felt like a dream ....there is actually something that can be done to help me.

After the appointment my Mom and I got lost finding our way out of the building I nearly convinced myself that it was a dream.

It wasn't though.

It was real.

They called today.

That is that ....what has been going on with me.