When I Really Feel Down...

 It seems like something amazing happens that cheers me up....
Recently things have been rather rough and on a very hard day I got this in the mail..

 It was a good reminder , something I needed to hear that day and also it was a wonderful reminder of how much this friend cares for me and prays for me.

I have been having a rough time getting myself  to get my work done....you may be wondering what work?

My Art for The People project, some of you know about it and some of you do not.
I make lots of  half page size drawings and give them to people ...mostly I hope it cheers them up.

When you go to see doctors as much as I do you will see sad people....not just at the doctors you see them everywhere.

Sometimes I am one of those people...but I don't want to be... I want to make a difference in the world I want to cheer them up like others have cheered me up.

I let my stack of drawings get rather low .

I feel like I was not doing my job.

So...maybe I can't make 15 a day ...some days I can't make any ...but some days I could of made 2 but I didn't .

I intend to do better...one could make a difference and if I am supposed to do it I better do it.

I pray for the people that get my drawings.  If it cheers some one up then I think I have done my job.

Jobs don't always make you money....sometimes you are just supposed to do something because God wants you to, and if you do it I believe you will have peace in you soul.

Love and Kindness Has Been Overflowing...

  I am very overwhelmed by all the kindness I have been shown the last few days and my birthday.

From the kind words to heart-felt messages on Facebook....cards , letters and amazing surprises I received in the mail.

One of the things I found was a handmade blanket with I love you embroidered in the corner , it came from a friend of  mine...I met her and her husband at a hotel in Florida about six years ago, they are from Montana. We have written ever since.

I wrapped it around me and it was like a hug.

I also received a gift from someone I have never met....I do not think they knew it was my birthday, It was something I wanted very much ...I had only just discovered them on the internet, I was and still am overwhelmed.

It was a doll , I shall treasure her forever.

And there were more surprises.

I received ...so much kindness.

I appreciate it all and thank all of you.

There has just been so much love surrounding me, I actually am not sure how to respond...
If I could I would compose a great symphony or some sort of marvelous dance.

God is love and He has showed me great love through my friends.

The Saddest Friendship I Ever Had....

  What I am going to tell you about is something that really was very difficult for me....It was over four years ago and it still makes me sad.

 Well, at i.v. when I was just starting to go there I did not really talk that much to anyone, I guess I felt shy .  There was a man that would smile at me and I would smile back but we did not speak for probably a month.

 Then one day we talked and we became friends ...I asked him if he had any kids and a single tear rolled out of his eye and he said he didn't but he sure wished he had a daughter.

I knew something about this man before I asked him that and ....Maybe it wasn't an appropriate question? I don't know.

Anyway I had gotten this man in trouble at one time...he and someone he was with were discussing in great detail something I did not know much about, sodomite things. (most people would say gay stuff I guess)  Anyway I was sitting there getting my i.v. with my eyes bugging out of my head because I was shocked and the nurses saw that and he was told if he would not stop talking about that stuff they would have to ask him to leave.
He apologized ....lots and of course I forgave him.

Anyway , after the question that made him cry we talked about other things and religion came up..I said something about God and he said something like "well good for you , but I don't believe in God".
 I left it at that and we talked about other things.

Well, his i.v. was finished and he was going to go...he asked when my next appointment was so he could make his with mine and we hugged. He said he would see me next week and I got the most horrible feeling that I would never see him again .
I didn't, he died the next day of a heart attack.

I found out the next week that he had died and ....I had to go hide in the bathroom and cry.
He didn't believe in God.
I was so upset in fact I almost threw up.
Then a thought came to me.....God surely must of loved this man as much as I did.
With Jesus in my heart could I love someone who God hated?

Maybe when this man went home he prayed.....maybe he didn't .

I am so sad about this...still.

I am not skilled to understand what God has willed or what he has planned.

What I Did Last Weekend, And Yesterday....

 Yesterday Daddy brought me to a jazz dinner at Dante's which was amazing...I have to say I really like jazz. I also got to see one of my friends!!

Last weekend I got to go to 2 baby showers!! I got to hold a baby, thus I am very happy.

I was not feeling very good last Sunday and the second one was supposed to happen that evening so I slept in the morning , yeah I missed church but I am friends with the momma ...I felt like I should go no matter what! So I did!

Something really amazing is I won one a prize at the first one and TWO prizes at the second one.  That does not happen much.

Here are some photos of what I made for the babies.

 Everything is recycled..except for the thread. Hey if you do not go shopping that often you get creative, at least I do.

 I used to feel odd giving people my families re-purposed stuff, but one of my friends said he really liked getting stuff from me because it is made out of trash and turned into brilliance.  I had to laugh.

 Also last night we got a very exciting phone call, but I can't tell you about it yet though I want to burst. I am so excited!!  I will tell you asap.

Hopes For The New Year

 I hope I have at least one seizure free day, as it's been over 2 years since that's happened.

 No matter what , I am just going to be glad to of made it to 2014!
Everyone should be, really.

Now I shall tell you about Christmas and such...... I was extremely busy working on gifts and things for my family. Christmas eve my parents , Aaron, Kelsey and I opened gifts and played some Christmas mad libs........The weird thing was someone used my name and said that I wore bells around my wrist that would jingle whenever I fell.   I DO! It is sort of a low tech alarm I guess.

Anyway the next day my Grandparents and Katie and Ethan came over and we had more gifts and played more mad libs. I couldn't stop laughing, one really should stay away from that game if you have a sore rib, I fell and hit it on the bathroom sink days before..not because of a seizure though just because I was unsteady.

Not the next day but the next was my Dad's birthday and we went to my uncle's house which is always fun and there was some good music there.

Then not the next day but the day after that was Kelsey's birthday and church. She had a friend over and seemed to be having fun.

Yesterday I had i.v. and waited and waited and waited to see the doctor and then... my friend Tammy came in I was so glad and it made the day better.  I missed her so much and I pray for her everyday.
I also saw my friend Mike and I hardly recognized him because hes got hair now!! He even grew a beard!  I hope that means he is doing better, we don't really talk too much about how we are . We both pretty much said the same thing , that we had good days and bad days.

I feel like it's been three weeks since I did anything on this blog...I guess I'm tired.

 What I made for my Dado ( I call him that sometimes)..I sewed the fabric on the sweatshirt I didn't make the sweatshirt, sorry it's sideways the computer was not cooperating.

 The back of it....

 Aaron's......

         Kelsey's.......

        Momma's...........

     The card I made for Grandpa, I made a different one for my Grandma.

 So that is what I have been up to. Very busy!

Flowers and Music...

 Yesterday was a really wonderful day, first of all a good friend of mine was coming over sometime in the afternoon, and then we were going to go and listen to jazz with my grandmother at Dante's ....And to make it even better another friend was there Eric!

Yes I was very happy , and I was even given some flowers..which for me is almost like some sort of drug, I have an overwhelming inclination to draw them before they die. I stare at them till I nearly throw myself into some sort of trance, and draw and get blisters and draw some more. Maybe that seems silly but to me it isn't.

What Has Been Going On...

 Well before I had the bad seizures I went shopping with Grandpa which was fun , but very different than years past since Katie had to work , Aaron had homework and Kelsey didn't go. 
 I did like having him to myself though!!

December 7th was Katie's birthday which was fun since she and her husband came over and had dinner with us.
Wow, this is her first year as a married woman!! 

December7th made me sad too though because Aunt Kelly's memorial service was then....It wasn't near my home..I didn't go, but I did think about her ...and cried some.

I will always think of her as Aunt Kelly even if she wasn't my aunt.

Well then I had some very bad days ( bad seizures) but I am better now and started sewing like crazy ( I had some gifts to make) , and wrote letters till I gave myself blisters....Those kind of blisters sort of feel good in a way, it means I felt like I could get my thoughts together and I could think enough to write them.

I also wrapped some gifts and put them under the tree :) 

My Mommy and I put the decorations on it this year......times are a changing.
It really wasn't so long ago that my youngest siblings would be excited about the tree.

And yesterday evening Katie and her husband, Ethan came over :)


                                  Katie's Hugs :)

                            Aunt Kelly and Mommy

I Am Not Fearless....

 I have wanted to be fearless.........some people think I am.

My sister got me a very beautiful bracelet that says fearless on it ....I love it but when I go to i.v. I take it off.

No , I am not afraid of needles ...I am just afraid of what my friends are going to be like.

I mean, you know.... how much worse they got.

Death is not something I fear , its the way people have to live that frightens me.

So I just wanted to say .... I wish I was fearless but I am not.

The Artist Man

 There is a Artist man who lives close to me.

We used to draw together underneath the trees.

We would talk together and make each other smile.

I have know this man for a long while.

But there is something about him that is taking a toll.

Monsters are inside of him , eating his soul.

He is my friend though, sometimes people ask me why.

It is because I see myself in him, though when his monsters come out ,
 sometimes I cry.

For years my friend, I have prayed for you.

There is nothing else I can do.

But my friend, I keep telling myself that God must love you at least as much as I do.

I love you Artist man......but I hate your monsters.

Fortunes

Thursday I went shopping with my sister that recently got married, Katie.

We ate Chinese food and we read our fortunes out loud and I got this:

On the back of my fortune it said ..Drunk. Katie and I laughed of course, and then she had to read hers, I don't remember the fortune but the back of hers said Drinking!!

We really laughed then .

When my sister was paying for the food I was looking at the little animals they had for sale there, and the lady gave me a little dog! She gave Katie a little mouse too, she was so nice.

Later when we went to the mall we were treated with extreme kindness. We were even given bottles of perfume...ones that they don't normally give out.

We went to goodwill and I bought what I thought was a nice long flowered dress that was like early 90s style, I tried it on the next day just to see what it looked like and I realized it is NOT a dress, it's a jumpsuit!!

I will still wear it I'm sure. :)

The trip was a lot of fun, I rarely get to go out with Katie, just she and I ....it seems strange she is married and well.... a grown up.
  
We could of went to a bar , but we didn't.

Mondays...

I.v. day, and today I got to see Ralphie!!

The day still seemed very long.

Also Sandra Westmoreland is the winner of the Easter Seal of the year contest!!

Thanks to everyone that voted for me, I am just so excited that my artwork will be on one of the stamps 2014!!!

That is all I have to say right now.

Good night folks.

Not Good...

 I wasn't feeling too good Monday despite having an i.v. and everything , normally I feel better after I have an i.v.

When I came home this was in the mail....

It made me feel some better, I even laughed, something about that pumpkin's squishy face!

It is always nice to hear from Kathie she is a really nice lady I met on a trip to Florida a few years ago.

Anyway I found out why I felt so bad....grandmals were coming. They have come and gone and I feel worn out and not myself still.

I hope the grandmals don't come back ever.

Stuff That Some Persons Don't Talk About ...But I Am Now

 Because of Labor day the office was closed on Monday, so I had i.v. today.

I was very glad because I was having so many seizures I think it was giving me a brain slur.

What is a brain slur? When you sit down to read a book only to realize that you have been reading the same page over and over for 20 minutes. When you keep forgetting what you are doing or what your going to do. You know that sort of thing............

Something still feels odd but I can't explain it.

I.v. helped me a lot anyway, and I got to see one of my friends and have one of the nurses fuss over me a bit .

I probably looked a bit sad and TRUTHFULLY I was.........................I was thinking about  ......well, my friends from I.V. that died.

I can't  not think about it.

I think about it every time I go there.

I sit in the chair you sat in.
I use the same i.v. pole you did.
We walked through the same doors.
We probably breathed the same air.
We were many times in the same room,
but now your not here.
You are gone, I stayed.

Then I think about who I have not seen in a long while.

Are you well my friend?
Are you out and about?
Are you in the hospital?
Are you in a nursing home or institution?
If you saw me would you know me?
If I saw you would I know you?
Are you gone my friend?

And well.....I wonder about that group of friends.

I don't think it is bad to think about those things....Do you??

We are all on a journey of sorts , and it does end.

I guess thinking about those people every time I go there or go by a certain place makes me feel closer to them.

But then again it's sort of heavy and SAD.

To Tobaccoland

 In case you were worried dear reader...I am sorry.
My daddy and I went on a trip sort of suddenly.
I told my Dad I wanted to go to Virginia, so he took me!!
That was rather surprising as it is about 8 or 9 hours away.
He wasn't sure I was up for a trip but I am going to have seizures no matter what it seems so we went.
He is brave!
I have so many friends in Virgina and my dad even took me to see my pen pal that I met in 2011 at a conference!!!
I couldn't even remember the house number but I knew the street.
Daddy didn't give up, he found my friend and we stopped by.
Boy was she surprised.
We mostly smiled and looked at each others drawings, and then I got to see their animals, as they have a farm.

I just have so many friends in Virginia, I feel  overwhelmingly blessed.

Tuesday

 Yesterday I went to i.v. since I missed it the day before.

Awful .
Unhappy.
Blah.
Sore throat, sore belly.
I tried to make myself smile at i.v., mostly because the nurses could tell I was not good and they were not smiling either.  I couldn't really smile, not until i.v. was over and I got to see Mike. That helped.

But later in the day , I felt much better!!
Thank you God!

Ralphie and The Lady With The Red Bag

 Ralphie and the lady with the red bag were at i.v. yesterday and it helped me a good deal.

I was extremely upset because my main vein has gotten a good lump of scar tissue and it hurt too much last time.

My other veins never worked that good...too slow the nurses said...but this time was different !!! It worked!!

I don't want to cry in front of Ralphie or the lady with the red bag,
I am glad I didn't have too, sometimes you are just so tired you cry no matter how hard you try to hold it in.

The Doctor appointment was ...o.k. I told him I felt drugged on top of drugged, he said give to two more weeks.

I will try.

And try and try and try and try.

The Fair

 Went to the fair today... My dad, mom, brother and I.
Not much there compared to years before.
They changed the date far too early for an agricultural fair in this area.

A nice lady brought her horse out for me to pet.

I loved the goats, they were so curious of my chair, studying it ever so intently.

A billy goat that smelled far more pleasant than the one we once had pleaded me to scratch him between his horns. He rolled his eyes into his brown shiny head in delight.
I couldn't stay there forever though and as my mom pushed me away he climbed up his cage wishing he could follow me...maybe wishing that he could be mine.

I wish I could take care of a goat.

The cows were solemn rather forlorn looking creatures.
They were tied up in a barn...seeming to wonder why are we here?
They probably wonder why people were starring at them .....they were probably wondering what the meaning of it all was.

The plant identification booth had a drawing that I entered....they had a butterfly craft I did.

I ate some fries because there is a place there that is safe for me.

My brother got me a candy apple , it is in the fridge right now.

We went to a cooking show , I couldn't really hear it.

I sat on the end with some other people that had wheelchairs ( they don't go on those bleacher things)

I met a girl and she said she liked the fair some . I like the fair some too.

We smiled at each other. 

A family from church showed up there and the mom wacked my mom in the back of the leg with her umbrella . They laughed ( its a sort of joke you see)

Daddy talked to the Dad.

We went home.

Party In The I.v. Room and Other Happenings

 Today I had to see the doctor. I guess I'll be trying Lamictal .
After that I had i.v. , my friend the lady with the red bag was there and someone new............Mike.
 Mike saw my leg brace and he used to have one too, he had to have it for years but he doesn't need it now. That made me happy, he doesn't need it now...and sad, he had it for years.
Mike doesn't have a gallbladder either.
Mike eats similar foods as me.
He was very nice and told me a joke.
He wore my helmet some, and asked if it suited him ...I said maybe if it had a different colored flower on it. He said if it had cauliflower on it!!! I said I thought broccoli would suit him best , " Good, that's my favorite, said he".
We laughed and laughed.
One of the nurses said it sounded like a party in there . ( That's  because we made it one)

Mike doesn't have seizures.. he has cancer.


Afterwards Mommy took me to the store so I could get some new shoes, I needed some for fall and since I have to get 2 different sizes I thought I had better get them early before sizes sell out. Well we found one that fit the brace and one that fit the other foot but they were not the same style, I was disappointed.
Then later a person that worked there asked me if I found what I needed and I told her my tale of shoes and she and another lady found me what I needed!!
Hooray for Wal-Mart !!! When you need to buy two sizes without going broke it works.
Kids sizes always seem to have less selection , and when your in your 20s it can be rather frustrating.

Sunday I made it to church and had lunch with Grandpa!!
Afterwards rubber band man came!! He used to be a postman and he goes around shooting people with rubber bands and giving them rubber bands so they can spread the love. The first time I met him I was afraid of him because he shot rubber bands at me through the open can window when I was ten and I was setting in there waiting for my Dad  and rubber band man said to let him in!!!!! No way was I letting a strange rubber band shooting fellow into the car when my dad was in the store. It turned out he knew my dad. 

Last summer we became friends again at my cousins wedding.

Saturday my dad took me to a concert and Grandpa came.
I really enjoyed it , I had lots of seizures and that was not so good.
A man came up to my dad and told him that he really should give me some cannabis, that he didn't smoke it when he was a kid and that he really missed out and he had a friend that has seizures and it helped him. ( slightly surprising since it wasn't that kind of concert, or place ...I mean I think the place was even a tobacco free school zone!!)

Anyway I wish it was legal for everyone...............I wish.

Friends Can Be Found

 Yesterday Daddy took me to a jazz concert and then afterwards we went to eat at Dante's. The concert was wonderful but so was what happened after dinner.

My Dad was taking to two young  guys and I had a seizure ( They happen a lot in the evening) The two guys got silent and starred at me ( so I am told) . Daddy said I wasn't really o.k. but that it was my normal, the guys then told Daddy that their Mom has epilepsy and the rough times she went through.

The guys understood......my life.

Later Daddy went to get me some juice and I stayed and talked to the guys.
 The one guy said that he wished there was some sort of technology to fix all my problems and then he said if only we could rid you of those God d@$%^# f#$%^&* seizures!

Well you know what? I rather liked those cuss words. ( I smiled)

Those guys told me I wasn't alone in what I was going through and that they did not believe in social barriers.

One day , they said, I shall kick epilepsy's d@%^#8 @$$.

They got silent when Daddy came back, probably because they were saying bad words, but somehow that didn't bother me at all.
I like those guys.

So...I made it through the reunion!

 Yesterday we heard some music and ate dinner together.
The day before that I went to a parade and ate lunch,then I went home and took a nap.
The day before that my friend came to the reunion to play some music, also his family came and they are my friends too!! I was very happy. Here are some pictures of that day........

I did not see the fireworks but I got a phone call from someone I have not seen in a long long time, that is much better than fireworks. Fireworks are not really good for me, I have been told.

I has been great seeing everyone and I am glad I got to do what I did.