And Yet Another New Normal

 So on June 1st I had really bad seizures ...ended up needing bagged but started breathing on my own.

The local hospitals ICU was full so they sent me to another hospital.

My memories are a bit hazy....there are a few things I do remember though, but I think I will write about that another time.

I had multiple seizures.

I ended up with a feeding tube which with all honesty I knew I would probably end up getting, since October I started having a really hard time chewing and swallowing followed but I thought I was managing everything.

I would squish all my food with a fork until it was mush and mix oil in it which is always one the table because my family eats lots of salad.

I could not eat salads for months and months.

I only ate mushy or mushable stuff.

I recently found myself coughing and gagging when I tried to drink.

I was not managing that....I just thought I was.

I failed the swallowing test.

I thought I would actually.

I CAN swallow 1/4 a teaspoon of honey consistency of stuff but it takes me so long and so much work that I burn more calories than I take in.  You can't sustain yourself that way.


So now I have a PEG tube.....and it was about the worse surgery pain I ever had.

Speech therapy came today and said I will probably need the tube feeding for the rest of my life....but the lady that did the swallowing test told me that also.

I do not like the PEG tube....it still hurts actually.

I am thankful for it....and that I am back on my drugs that don't come in i.v. form...I went without them for a week.

I am thankful I am home.

I am also upset with the fact that every time now that I have really bad seizures I seem to lose something....or something in my body won't work right anymore.

I have not really talked about that because I just don't want too.

I don't want people to know.

Probably way too much info anyway.

I am thankful for the many visits I received, I am thankful for all the love and prayers.

I am still here and adjusting.