Peace And Hope

  You folks that read this blog that don't know me personally probably wonder what I have been up to....so I will inform you.

I was having grandmal like events every couple of days..was at the local hospital one time, and they wanted me to be at a bigger hospital with specialists  but I woke up and went home. Things however were still messy and my parents had to keep giving me diazapan ( I do not know if thats how you spell it).

My parents were afraid my brain might be getting fried.
I slept most of the time.

On the 28th, ( my birthday ) it was decided that things had gone on long enough ...a plan was formed.

My parents had been trying to get me into Hopkins since October so we decided to get a hotel nearby and when the nasty thing happened , call the ambulance and then I would get help.

Well, as expected that night I had a bad one and rubbed the skin off part of my hand and arm on the sheet of the bed because I was shaking so much. The hotel detective came ,the ambulance came, they wrapped me up and strapped me down and took me to the University hospital ....which turned out to be a good hospital to be at.

The event stopped on its own and I had another one in the ER , but it did not appear to be a seizure. I was hooked up to eeg had an i.v. stayed in the ER all night and a pretty big chunk of the next day and then was taken to the brain floor.

When I got there the roommate was in a great deal of distress and was talking and not making sense and crying and she was batting at the curtain between us ...The nurses did not want her in there with me, and wanted to move her but it turns out we got a long just fine. After awhile my parents and I noticed that she was repeating things we were saying and then we heard her say " Help me God ...PLEASE...please....please...please" So we decided to pray and she prayed with us . She did get a little more calmer but she got even better when her Momma came.  As the day went on we talked and became friends . I did eventually get worse though because I was taken off my medicine to see what would happen .

I can't remember much conversation that evening ...I probably did not say much. I had well over a hundred events and they were only four min. apart...all night and did not sleep I was out of it...and going through withdraw.

In the meantime while all of that was going on my parents would take turns watching me and one would go to the hotel to rest. So many people were praying for me ...even the hotel doorman. Also before I had left that day I received a package full of love from my dear friends at the Mendota parish in Virginia ...a very nice card and letter and two wonderful cds were inside that helped me so much.
Actually even before that it seemed like I was getting a letter almost every day from friends when I had a bad day ...one contained some lovely tea. And today when I came home I had even more letters!!!! I just felt so much love.

Back to the hospital story....I got a new roommate and we were friends too, however I did not get to speak to her as much but I do not think we will ever forget each other.

Anyway yesterday evening I was discharged. I have been diagnosed as having non-epileptic seizures and have a plan to see a different doc in Feb.  It is absolutely what I thought  they would say.....Do I believe all my issues are psychogenic in nature? ..No, I have some weird test results and stuff I want to keep somewhat private.

One of the very most important things in life I believe is forgiving others, yourself, asking God for forgiveness  and of course love.  In my head and heart I feel no bitterness or unforgivness about anything (that I know of)...That is how I have tried to live. I have peace and hope ...but no more or less than before the hospital stay,I had some docs say non- epileptic before.

I still cannot walk properly, and can fall and get hurt , I still have lots of events. I feel WORSE being off the medicine right now. But hopefully I will get less shaky soon.

Anyway back to the story , when the eeg was removed the lady was kind enough to clean up my hair and she even French braided it.....at the hotel that evening we ate supper there and a lady who worked there came up to me and told me her story about how she was paralyzed at 15 and was told she would never walk again , she though she would never be able to have kids ....but now she walks and has a daughter .  NEVER GIVE UP.

The hotel bought  us dessert and made mine special because of  my diet.

I am glad to be home ...and I have peace .