Photos from Tobaccoland

 Our cabin.

 The neighbors tobaccy.

 A bloomin Tobbacy

 Daddy. :)

 My friends and I looking at each others drawings.

Petting a baby pigmy goat!

To Tobaccoland

 In case you were worried dear reader...I am sorry.
My daddy and I went on a trip sort of suddenly.
I told my Dad I wanted to go to Virginia, so he took me!!
That was rather surprising as it is about 8 or 9 hours away.
He wasn't sure I was up for a trip but I am going to have seizures no matter what it seems so we went.
He is brave!
I have so many friends in Virgina and my dad even took me to see my pen pal that I met in 2011 at a conference!!!
I couldn't even remember the house number but I knew the street.
Daddy didn't give up, he found my friend and we stopped by.
Boy was she surprised.
We mostly smiled and looked at each others drawings, and then I got to see their animals, as they have a farm.

I just have so many friends in Virginia, I feel  overwhelmingly blessed.

Tuesday

 Yesterday I went to i.v. since I missed it the day before.

Awful .
Unhappy.
Blah.
Sore throat, sore belly.
I tried to make myself smile at i.v., mostly because the nurses could tell I was not good and they were not smiling either.  I couldn't really smile, not until i.v. was over and I got to see Mike. That helped.

But later in the day , I felt much better!!
Thank you God!

Missed The I.V.......

  I threw up Sunday. ( which you probably didn't want to know).

Rested all day today and hopefully will get to i.v. tomorrow.

Still feel bad. Saturday was pretty rough also, I did manage to go out with my Daddy.
I am glad I did but .....I just was BLAH.

I missed another party for my sister but if I threw up there that would of been just lovely.

I will survive.

Here are some pictures from the party my Mom and I did for my sister on Thursday:

 The cupcake things , thanks American Girl Magazine.

 The Bride To Be!!

The sleeping Dog...what I wanted to do!! He He.

I thought about putting some other pictures up but some person does not want to be on my blog...I am o.k. with that.

A Book I Really Relate Too...The Truth About Stacey

 Yes, a Baby-Sitters Club book.  Why do I relate to this one so much? Well you see Stacy is on a special diet like me, and a medical problem which at first she tried to hide...also like me.

She also had some people that when they did find out think she was contagious....I have been there too.

She also is tired of seeing doctor after doctor.....
Though we don't have the same problem, we seem to have a good deal in common.

I recommend this book...for anyone that is a younger sort of person going through medical stuff ( especially if it means a diet change).

Happiness, Excitement, and Completely Tired.....

 Wednesday two really good friends came over , it had been more than a year since I last saw them. It was so awesome that I got to spend some time with them again. They were trying on bridesmaid dresses for my sister's wedding so I could alter them as needed.
  I got the dress alteration finished late that night so that it could be tried on again the next day, as we were having a bridal shower for my sister .( before anyone leaves town)

 Anyway I got up and took a shower, fixed up my room and ate a bit and then started to work on a cupcake dessert thing( Mommy did the cooking part..I assembled) for the party and helped decorate. I found the idea in American Girl Magazine...they looked pretty but I will never know what they tasted like, cooking for me is sort of like making mud cakes...I mean I can't eat many things so...its sort of like play cooking( you can make mud cakes but you are not supposed to eat them ) You see?

It was o.k. ...sort of hard to enjoy a party when your tired I guess.

The night before I realized how hard it seemed to concentrate on the game apples to apples........like math or maybe even harder.

I am sad...so many things that were easy are harder now.

You know what though? I never would of met so many beautiful people if I wasn't sick....I never would of even wrote this blog.

God is keeping me here, and I know everything has a purpose...so I just have to have peace about the whole thing. Which is far more ginormous than it sounds.

Sigh.

Yesterday....

 Yesterday was i.v. .....it is where I go every Monday, it is two hours away one way.
It was so very quiet in the i.v. room, two very old woman were asleep and it was mostly empty in there.

A cricket ran across the floor...he only had one leg but he was still super speedy.
I imagined I was a teeny tiny person that was riding on his back. It was great fun ......even though it was only imaginary.

The room was becoming full, very very full , it then became a jungle. The i.v. poles right in front of me from the other people became massive trees with monstrous vines hanging down.

Mommy had no place to sit, in that jungle. She was given a metal folding chair to sit on in the middle of the room,so the nurses could get around her.....Mommy reminded me of some sort of playground monitor.

Yup....I mostly played in my imagination, because there really wasn't anyplace else for me to play.

A Book I Wrote

 There is a girl who wears a helmet, Maybe you have seen her?

 Maybe you stared at her because you were curious?  You probably want to know why she has that helmet on................

 ........I will tell you some things about her. She has a seizure disorder. Sometimes she will fall down and get hurt.

 Sometimes she might stare and not be able to talk.

 Sometimes she might just be doing something odd, like smacking her lips or picking at her clothes.

 Maybe you saw her have a seizure? Maybe it frightened you? It is o.k. to be a bit frightened, but please don't run away from her...........

 .......She still needs friends!! She likes it when you talk to her, she likes it when you smile. If she does not smile back .....she is probably having a bad day and is really really REALLY tired.

 How do I know these things? I am a girl that wears a helmet!
 If you see a girl or a boy having a seizure, do not  hold them down or try to force them to stop. Do not put things in their mouth. If they fall someplace dangerous or are standing someplace dangerous ( like a road) tell a grown up (if you are a kid).

You should tell a grown up anyway , even if it didn't happen in a dangerous place.

Be A Friend! 
                     Sincerely, Jessica

My Youngest Sister....

....Is getting her hair CUT OFF!!

Mommy said " I think I may cry and have to leave to compose myself".

Well , she was not forbidden, just told that they didn't really like the style she wants...and she should decide what she believes....about hair.

Well I just hope my sister does not come home bawling because she looks different than she thought. I hope she calms down, about how she looks in general.

Anyway...I feel weird about this, my hair took so long to grow and my parents were wondering if it would grow...I was afraid it would never grow.
My sister can grow her hair fine yet she wants it off....well it's her hair .

Mommy Said.........

 She doesn't want me to take Lamictal any more.

I don't want too either !!!

If my Mommy doesn't want me to be on it, and my Daddy doesn't like it....and I feel bad........I think I shall say fare thee well Lamictal, I ain't gonna see you tomorrow!!!!
( I ain't gonna see you EVER!)

What It Is Like and How It Is

 Imagine every day ..for years
you have seizures without any free days.


You are tired ...and confused.

You miss sections of conversation, sections of life.

It is a bit like time travel.

You end up minutes into the future.

The minutes add up.

How many hours do you miss in a year?

Days...Weeks...a Month????

It is how it is.

You are a time traveler...for real.

All those folks who told you there is no such thing as time travel.... they are bloody wrong!!

Ralphie and The Lady With The Red Bag

 Ralphie and the lady with the red bag were at i.v. yesterday and it helped me a good deal.

I was extremely upset because my main vein has gotten a good lump of scar tissue and it hurt too much last time.

My other veins never worked that good...too slow the nurses said...but this time was different !!! It worked!!

I don't want to cry in front of Ralphie or the lady with the red bag,
I am glad I didn't have too, sometimes you are just so tired you cry no matter how hard you try to hold it in.

The Doctor appointment was ...o.k. I told him I felt drugged on top of drugged, he said give to two more weeks.

I will try.

And try and try and try and try.

Right Now...

 I am tired....tired ...tired
 I wish I would sleep better.

I don't like this medicine much.

You have to do what you have to do, right ???

I feel like I am on the edge...of a cliff.

If I get too tired ....I am afraid I will fall off.

The grandmals would be at the edge of the cliff .

At the bottom .....it would be my end.


I need some rope, so I don't fall off even if I fall asleep.

I need ......my brain back!!!!!

This sort of high feels no good.

BLAHHHHHHHHH!!!

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

 People still ask me that.....
I just say I am what I am and I do what I do.
I survive, I am an artist.

Rain

Today it is raining.

My mom and my sister that is not getting married are going shopping to get the bridal shower stuff and food. ( I have 2 sisters and a brother) 

It will be just my dad and I at home.

Sometimes I like that.

Lamictal

It is making me feel different...
...But , the seizures are still the same.

It will still be awhile until I reach the dose ( you have to start low when your on Valproic Acid)



Anyway I don't like this very well...as I normally don't with any sort of drug change.

 Well.....I don't have anymore to say about that.