Unspoken Words

 Today I had to go see a doctor and when my mom and I were leaving a man who had a brace on his left leg just like me opened some doors for us.

  I was looking at his brace...I realized he was looking at mine , our eyes met...we did not speak any words but I saw understanding, and curiosity...I think he wanted to say something but right then neither of us said anything.

 He opened two more doors for us which was a big help with the wheelchair.

I said thank you ...and my mom said thank you...he said he was glad to help.

 My Mom brought me out to the car and I crawled up into the seat and when I got myself up I looked out the window, the man was by his car watching me.

I think he wanted to tell me something , or ask me something.....He wanted to help me in some other way.

At least I think that is what he wanted to do.

He eyes spoke of kindness.

Right by the pharmacy there is a liquor store....there was a man in his car singing really loud some song , I realized it was the same verse over and over...I looked over there, I don't think he was drunk....his head was jerking around  and he started slapping the side of his car...his window was open.  The man was twisting around and making loud screeching noises .  I think maybe he had Toruettes or something.  He saw me looking at him so I smiled ...he smiled back and for a few seconds he stopped twisting and slapping ..for a few seconds we were just smiling ..then someone walked by his car and broke the spell ..the man grunted and twisted...his arm flapped in the air and that was that.

We spoke no words...but we somehow connected .

Sometimes a look speaks more than words.

This Post Simply Must Be Called Flower Power

  I have been using lots of different colored paper....And lots of different colors, lots more blending mostly because I ran out of some colors I normally use, I found out for the most part it is not really a problem.

 The above drawing is on cardboard...it was on the bottom of my paper so I used it!

 African Violet on orange paper...believe it or not I have no black but the dark blue on orange looks black and a greenish pencil that I used on the violet looked blue, the colors were different .

 This is on pink paper...if your wondering some of the rainbow vibes I have been drawing are somewhat based on how the flowers move, however some of my flowers are not from real ones , the rose on the cardboard is made up....but I imagined how it would move if it was real. Flowers move a lot, in fact I think of them as little creatures.

 The yellow rose is on blue paper....it made the leaves greener. The similar one I put on previously was on greyish paper.

This purple rose is on orange paper which gave it a nice glowing , warmish sort of look.

 I finally got rid of my headache that I had for days....I drank a bunch of olive juice from the green olives and I was feeling so much better.  I did this one other time and it helped then also.  My Dad and Mom think maybe I did not have enough sodium. 

I really wanted green olives .  Maybe green olives and olive juice is good for your head???

Art For The People and New Drawings

 I started making a bunch of smaller drawings to give away at an art show and I liked it so much I do it when I go places......They are sort of a business card in a way......In a way they are not, I put my blog address on there so people can see my other drawings...not necessarily for people to make requests...but I am happy when that happens too!

 The above red flowers are the most popular choice with men.....I let people pick which one they want and guys pretty much always pick these red flowers...of course none of the drawings are the same but if it has this sort of flower in it for some reason a guy will probably want it. Not always but 75% of the time.

 I like to have at least 50  ready to give away....I have gotten below that, I think I only have 40-something left, I need to get busy.

 The above flower is the Daddy rose.....because I made it for Daddy!

                             This orchid is watercolor :)

  I am taking a break from drawing really big rose drawings until my new pencils come in the mail...I have run out of a bunch of colors.

 Baby Ace got to come home on Sunday, I am so happy about that.

This week has been rather rough on me however, not feeling right and have had a headache for days .

About Prayer

   There is something about prayer that people don't seem to understand.

I hear people say sometimes that God does not answer their prayers....well the thing is sometimes God says no....sometimes wait, and sometimes He has different plans...sometimes He answers the prayers the way we want.

I think this is a good thing because if God answered our prayers the way we want all the time....it may not be the best thing.

Sort of like if you ask your parents something and they say no, most of the time (maybe all of the time) they have a good reason and want whats best for you.

 Yes ...this sometimes doesn't make sense...sometimes your parents seem unfair or just plain mean.

Sometimes we may think God is unfair or mean!!!

Sometimes we act like bad children who think they know better ....than God.

We don't.

I am not sure why people find this so offensive.   

Yes...I know parents are not perfect....but God is God.

I was not planning  to write this today but it keeps coming up so I feel I must.

Amazing Ace

 Last week...Friday morning I became an Aunt.

 Katie had baby Ace!!!

 I think he is amazing.

He has been sick but he is getting better, he inhaled some stuff when he was born.

Hopefully he can come home Sunday.

I saw him after he was born and later at the NICU.

Katie was talking to him and told him he looked like Ethan (his Daddy), Ace smiled the biggest baby smile.

Yes, I find Ace Amazing.

Thank you so much for praying for this little dude.

 

A Drawing of Elijah, Dream-like States, and Other Things

 Here is a drawing I did of Elijah at the alter when the fire of the Lord came down and consumed the sacrifice....
and the wood, stones, dust, and it licked up the water in the trench.
look in 1 Kings chapter 18.

 I was given some really pretty miniature roses so I drew this picture 

 Then I decided I wanted a really big picture...so thats what I did next.

   You are probably wondering what does this got to do with a dream-like state? Well....I had a Neurology appointment last week and I was told when my pupils are huge maybe I am stuck in a dream-like state ...sometimes people say my flowers are dreamy or trippy ...anyway I don't think I am in a dream....as far as I know I am awake, but if its a good dream then I think it would be alright..but I am pretty sure I am awake!

 Here is a big flower drawing I did earlier this year...and some bears . I really miss how easy the sewing machine used to be for me to use....I need to figure out a new one-handed way where there is something for me to lean on to hold myself up, so I can sit decently, but perhaps right now I am supposed to draw not sew?

I went to see the brace man today...I really like him, he is so kind.
I am not getting anything different...if you follow my blog you are probably wondering how come I am not getting a brace that goes up past my knee? Well...lots of reasons..I am worse ...probably could not get the thing on....
I am glad I can still get the brace I have on, it still helps.

Last week...Daddy bought me some sesame candy, I must say I find it the most marvelous, wonderfully tasty candy ever . It has been a favorite of mine since I first got one from a parade when I was 9 or 10 .

Also since this has to do with dreaming....when I was waiting in the car after church a person walked by and said " Whats up with Jess? Has she been sleeping." Well, I can see why a person would think I was sleeping in church if they sit behind me since I have to lean on some one to sit up...and if they get up I pretty much lay sideways ......I am not sleeping. I just felt like saying this in case you sit behind me and wonder.....
...I did sleep in church one time, but that was a long time ago...years, maybe over a decade ago.

 Of course IF I am stuck in a dream then ....... I must have dreams within dreams and ....I really don't know what to think about THAT thought.  He he.

Words,Truth,Nervousness.......

 Before you read this ....it has some really personal stuff, stuff I was not going to put on the internet but I feel like it is a very big part of my frustrations and ...you don't have to read this unless you want to.

 I have had a really bad cold for awhile...thankfully it is getting better.

Colds or any kind of sickness really drains me.

I had an appointment to see the Dystonia doctor this week and I was far more nervous than usual...sometimes I am not nervous at all , I just go see a doctor and don't really think much about it.

My parents and I left the day before and stayed with some friends because the appointment was the next morning and we live a ways away.  This was a very good thing...because I had a lot of laughs that evening and being with friends always helps.

Anyway...the appointment was o.k. , The Dr. wants me to have a genetic test to see if I have one of the two most common Dystonia genes....why?

Because this would mean if I had one of the genes I could have brain surgery.

If  I don't then he would just  treat  the symptoms ...botox, drugs, that sort of stuff...but botox cannot fix my back anyway. ( I am pretty crooked if you don't know)

Yes I got worse.  I get to stop the levadopa and try some other drug.

Drugs..Drugs...Drugs........I guess I could always "Just Say No!"

Well I am going to try the new drug...if it helps it would be good, I am just worried about the side effects.

Anyway....I have been having a ridiculous time keeping my weight on, yes it has pretty much always been a problem. 

Part of the Dr.s plan was encourage eating....I eat! I am so frustrated....I have even had doctors say they didn't believe me when I told them everything I ate the day before.  

The reason I was so nervous....some of the stuff in my records is not the truth and It bothers me very much.  

I have had a doctor say I was self- injurious after I had one of my seizure-like events and fell through a glass coffee table and had to get stitches....he said since my seizures were non- epileptic I did it on purpose.   I most certainly did not!   I am out when they happen...I don't plan them it just happens.

The Dystonia Dr. said the seizure -like things are something we don't understand....I don't understand it either. I am glad he said that and didn't just say I was crazy.

But that isn't the only thing that bothers me..... there is something from the University of Maryland that says I did chest binding! ........why do I even care? 

Well somethings about me are a bit different than many people my age...I don't have a period (but I have breasts...I am small but everything about me is.)...yes I even had a doctor say I made myself that way also!  I don't even know how a person could do that.

I did not make myself this way...God did.

I guess I was worried the Dr.would not give me a chance , that he would just say I was crazy and that would be that.

I always wanted to be a Mommy when I grew up....I guess that is why these things are especially painful to me.

Also.....I don't want to hurt myself...I just fall down and stuff happens.

I don't know why God allowed all this stuff...I just don't understand.

Truman Capote said something like he did not care what people said about him as long as it wasn't true.

Well....I am not him, I care and it is exceedingly upsetting to me.

The only way I calm myself down is I keep telling myself over and over that God knows what it true, God is stronger than man even if they have a white coat and God has a plan.

The truth is out there.
Frustrations...Frustrations.....